redheart.gif (915 bytes)Dearest Catherine:

I knew there would come a time, all too soon, when our bond...our trust would be threatened. I did not know what form that threat would take, what mask it would be wearing, or whether we would survive. But now that time has come. Much conspires against us, against the idea of us. Your world fears what is different, what it doesn't understand. My world fears your world's intolerance and brutality. Every time we meet we are at risk. That risk is nothing to me, I...I take it gladly and I would die to protect you - know that. But also know, our greatest enemy, the greatest threat comes not from outside, but from within. Within ourselves, our enemy's name is doubt. And if we do not do battle with it, it will surely destroy us. I know that what I am inspires fear, that...however hard I try to improve myself, to go gently, to embrace others, their first sight of me will always be filled with utter fear. There is nothing I can do to dispel that fear except...wait...and be seen in truth. I believed you saw me - truly. I believed you knew I would never do harm to you. Never. As I live and breathe, Catherine, never. But somewhere within you the fear and the doubt took root. You suspected, if only for a moment, that I was capable of violent crimes. The acts of a...subway vigilante. The pain I felt came, not from your suspicions, but from the sad truth that you did not yet know me, or trust me. Yes, I am capable of terrible things. Things that shame and frighten me, but so are we all. Yes, I am capable of rage that overwhelms me, a rage that...can become violent. But only for one purpose, only to one end. To protect my home, and the ones I love. There is not, and cannot be another justification for violence. I believe that. I live by it. You must believe me. There is nothing I can say, no words to convince you. If we are to survive the danger, and live to see the dream, finally we must trust. That is our greatest challenge. Without trust we have nothing. All is lost. To trust is...not a decision we make. It is a voice we hear from within. A voice that tells us that all is well. You can go...safely. You listen to your heart - what does it say? Your heart is where your courage lives. It speaks the truth. It is wise. I know...I can hear it.

There...there was a moment, after the storm had passed, we...stood on your balcony in each other's arms. The dawn was coming. As the city slept, the sky was painted in shades of gold - only for us. You remember that moment, your head lay against my chest. All was still, all was well, and all was one. And our hearts knew it.

Sleep well, my dearest Catherine, sleep well.


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